Saturday, September 27, 2003

had a good talk with russ about the german situation. he always puts things into perspective quite well, i'm very thankful for a friend like him.

i'll be going back to montana from october 11th-13th. it will be interesting... jason, anne, drea, nate, and enoch will be visitting. russ, lisa, trish, ryan, de wet, micah, mickey, anne desario, anna banana, etc, are already on base for either staff or as students in the various other schools. with any luck, i'll be able to bring a guitar out and jason and i can rock out.

in the last 5 days, living with lance has been rather smooth. i've been able to get a lot of work done, which is one great thing. he left earlier today (friday) for his brother's birthday, and won't be back until tomorrow. i think i might actually be missing his company, although it's always nice to have some time with BOTH of the other guys gone from this house.

no profound thoughts lately... i almost had one regarding abortion, but it turned out to be nothing. how's that for allusion?

a thought for all Christians... God tells Samuel after the people demand a king, "it's me they are rejecting, not you." so tell me, Christian brothers and sisters, knowing full well that choosing a 'king' is denying God, who should we vote for in 2004?


Sunday, September 21, 2003

i'm definitely not through my re-entry adjustment yet. being back is... i want to be in montana with everyone else, at the very least. india would be best. anywhere but here would be best.

this whole house thing just seems to not be working out. lance's toes seemingly stick out everywhere, and are impossible to not step on. i'm trying to avoid arguments with him at all cost, but it seems like he won't give up. so, i guess i'm through watching movies, through playing poker, through doing anything that involves "his" crap, in fact i think i'll stick with doing listings on my computer, and not the work machine he set up for me. i cannot stand his behavior, and i see no reason to lock myself into situations where i have to endure it.

catholic mass today was rather interesting. i haven't been to a catholic church in quite a while, maybe since i was 14 or so. the priest was well worth listening to, and the best i can reduce and condense what he had to say is... "forgive my trespasses, as i forgive those who trespass against me." this is a big conviction, as i would *like* to hope that everyone around me sees how enduring i am towards an asshole-ish lance and they would grow to hate him... but in my walk with Christ, i can't exactly let that stand. i've got to forgive this person who routinely pisses me off, and endure through it all hoping he will change.

so, now what can i do? i guess as soon as i spot something shitty coming around the bend, i need to stop my mind mid-cycle and tell lance "i don't want to deal with this or you right now, i can either do something else or do nothing at all" it seriously pissed me off today when he was all like "you know, i don't want you to work right now." i hadn't even STARTED working, i was looking over an item. i had told him repeatedly, "I AM NOT WORKING YET." one thing i hate is being told to stop doing something i'm NOT DOING.

oh God... i just don't want to deal with this, but i have to don't i? that being the case, you know what i need... please show me the way.


Saturday, September 20, 2003

i get the feeling that you're trying to push me down
but down is strong and i come right back around
falling for freeing is wanted is needed
falling for freeing is hoped for is leading

better to crack on the surface than be crushed by the bottom still searching for something but now it is plain to see hate and love have one thing in common both are attacks in pure form on the other
tied multiple riffs together and came out with the music for three songs today. i'm feeling prolific. now, the words. those can be a bit more tricky! maybe i could hammer something out "job project" style, but i'm also feeling i should save all of that for when chad and i have some time to work all of that out together. we will see. whatever comes to me, i guess.

i won an amd shirt at amd's area 64 website. it's supposed to have the logo embroidered on the shirt or something, i'm hoping it's a polo shirt since i don't have one. if not, oh well.

gary swung by and treated me to mcdonalds, what a nice guy. i went on and on about socialism/communism and anarchy. i think i may have annoyed him.


Thursday, September 18, 2003

i dislike the republican party.

i dislike the democratic party.

i dislike capitalism.

i feel all people should be treated equally. i believe i should help people, and it should not be unreasonable to expect help in return.

the problem is that most of america disagrees with my views, and express their love for capitalism. "this capitalist society has landed me in the middle class, and i enjoy the comfort". guess what? you're actually "lower-middle class", and the people above you have exploited the rest of the populace to theri advantage. you could only benefit from socialism/communism.

to rant even further, the odea of socialism and communism is the closest we can get to a biblically approved government. Christians everywhere should be scurrying to back CPUSA, not GWB or some bible-smashing candidate. but no, Christians the whole US over will do what their pastor preaches.

fine by me. you want to live in this lousy world?


sorry i haven't posted lately...

Thursday, September 11, 2003

just logged into blogger, and i can't help but notice that a bunch of new features are available. turns out that most of the features from blogger pro are now *free*, which is good for all. if you do not have a blog, start blogging already!

de wet will arrive tomorrow sometime around 6pm. i will remind him that he is the law, and we will have continuous fun for more than a few hours solid.

scott showed up and coughed up $85 he's owed for about a year. great fellow! i've been in a financial crisis lately (reference my transmission replacement), and this helps. greatly. i should be able to pay my cell phone bill now! but i've already blown almost $9 of it... on chinese food, no less. however, it was eating out with scott, so i will forgive myself. we had a rather good discussion about Christians in the workplace, and their obligation... and drawing a distinction between business and ministry, etc.

perhaps i am girl crazy. 22 and girl crazy. fell in love at 24.


Tuesday, September 09, 2003

oh yeah, and another dream... this one wasn't set to any music, though.

dreams, they are so odd. through them, this virgin has come to the decision that hugging and holding hands are more powerfully intimate than the act of sex itself. odd, so odd.

a dream comprised almost entirely of a girl who only wants to hold my hand. soothing.

God bless America because we deserve it
God bless everyone because they've all earned it

i'm sicked by the tossing around of the phrase "God bless", utterly sickened. this is a phrase i used to use quite often, myself. it is most definitely *not* a conversation closer, and should never be used as such. it is a prayer, and all prayers should be weighed before spoken. there is no little weight to these words.

God may bless some Americans... but am i so brave as to ask him to bless every deceitful politician, every backstabbing criminal, every lieing/murdering/cheating/stealing soul in this country? no! am i so brave as to ask God to bless a person i barely even know? this is uncertain grounds to be walking upon. i have no inhibition to asking God to bless someone who aids the poor, or fulfills some position of ministry... but to ask Him to bless *everyone*?

granted, God can and will bless as He sees fit. He doesn't need my permission, doesn't need me to condone a single blessing... but i refuse to walk around proclaiming blessing upon every single living thing in this world.

just a rant, i do apologize.

but onward to the subject of submission to authority... if we are so brave as to teach moral government theory, how can we condone ousting a political leader in another country? the foundations of MGT declare that said leader is in power by God's will, so who are we to interfere with God's decision? MGT immediately crumbles, and it becomes clear that anyone who has the power to topple another power is evidently allowed to.

a Christian leader, a delicate position. a precarious political office. how can we show love, a hate towards all hate, to a world full of evil men and evil hearts? i agree with this statement: we can show our love for all mankind by disarming and encouraging all others to follow suit.


Monday, September 08, 2003

blitzkrieg bop is the theme of the dream.

in asia? what am i doing there? sparring with oversized weaponry... and then waiting in some sort of makeshift train station... and then deciding to "live life" and run through a maze of platforms (weaving between pens of various sorts for poulty and/or swine) in a race set to the ramones. the ramones? i don't even listen to that stuff in real life. only my subconscious could make this kind of stuff up.

so, you'll notice it has been a few days. my sleeping habits have become somewhat scary to me... i'm unable to roll myself out of bed until well into the afternoon, and even after i do it takes me several hours to truly wake. i am in dire need of a lamp and timer to plug into the socket by my bed. i figure if i can at least make this room bright in the morning, i can get up. eventually (after i've got my computer and such) i can make the equation more complex/complete.

i have started to decorate my room! i put up all 21 pages from my 'pretend family' project from 10th grade, as well as some band posters (no, really?!?!). things will not be anywhere close to feeling like 'home' until i build a loft and get situated in that manner. maybe if i can score a papa-san chair sometime soon, that would work nicely. i need somewhere to put my soapstone chess board... i'm thinking i might just leave room on my 'studio counter'. i should 'sink' some of the studio equipment into the table so i have a removeable surface i can store other stuff on. slowly, all the ideas are coming together. hopefully, the vision in my head will be complete somewhere around the time i can actually *afford* to set this up. yeah.

i dreamt about a prophet, as well. a special figure that God loved very much. very much, indeed. enough to keep them perpetually young. the prophet was sad, as the world around him did not care for 'things above'. God answered all of this man's prayers, and most of his prayers were for judgement to fall and for God to show himself to mankind. all of this narrated, it was very odd. and then, the scene unfolds to a post-apocalyptic world that has received the brunt of this man's prayers. people were afraid to even look in his direction, for fear that he may see some wrong in their hearts and pray God's wrath upon them. truly a strange (and scary) thought.

i need to register if i'm going to be taking german at the university... and register soon. i will talk to my mom tomorrow and find out what i need to know. maybe if i can even just meet up with a german speaking person who's willing to give me lessons... that would be cool, as well. we will see.

life without a car is horrible. i cannot go anywhere. if i had a bike, it would be half cool. but i do not have a bike. maybe tomorrow i will walk somewhere as a break to 'work'. i am looking forward to dewet visitting this week. he should be here on wednesday or thursday... i may wait to pick up the car until after he has been here. yeah, i think i'll just wait.

whether or not we live, a question we can ponder. does the news of our death affect those who never met us in the same manner that the news of our life does?


Thursday, September 04, 2003

on my way back from celldweller my transmission went out. repair/replacement will cost anywhere between $1300-$2500. i ended up taking the bus home from minneapolis... i'll have to head back down to pick my car up in a couple days.

the guy i rode next to on the bus was very kind and let me use his spare headphones to listen to minidiscs with him... depeche mode, evanescence, and coldplay before i stopped and briefly passed out. he was on his way to tacoma, washington, and didn't seem to have a clue as to how far away that was from here. a nice guy, i bet he's still on the bus as i type.

at the bus station before i left minneapolis, a black guy asked me if i had just been to a rave. i've still got my cornerstone bracelet on, he just made an assumption... i told him no, and that the bracelet was for cornerstone, a music festival in illinois. he asked me if they have 420 circles there (i *think* he said circles) and i assured him they don't, as it is a Christian festival. then again, i've smelt the smoke there before, so i'm sure it happens...

before the car officially died, i noticed that it was running very 'high' (as in 'not changing gears') on the freeway (i only brought it up to 45mph before i decided to give up). i pulled off into a really ghetto-y neighborhood and called nick and jaime. they came back to the exit i was near and attempted to escort me through back roads to jaime's place. after a couple miles we hit a stop light. when it turned green, i eased onto the gas and the car just revved. didn't move an inch, just *vroooom*. we pushed it across the non-busy intersection and put on the emergency flashers. a lady came out of her house and let us use a phone book so we could call a tow place. my insurance covers towing to the 'nearest repair shop', so that was groovy.

when i pulled into minneapolis, i dropped chad off at the place he was staying and just stuck around to chat for a short while. nick and jaime left at the same time i did so they could show me the way back to the freeway. when i turned on my car it sounded a little different... when i tried to put it in gear, the noises it made scared me half to death. i put it back in park and shut it off... checked the fluids, i was low on coolant and oil. topped everything off, but the car was still making noises when i turned it back on. dan (the guy chad is renting from) came out and took a look at the car. he told me he thought everything should be fine since it doesn't make any noises when it's in gear (only makes noise in park or neutral). we headed out, but i made sure to take things extra easy on my car.

the whole trip home from iowa was pretty boring. chad and i jammed out to nyposse stuff from my 1990-1997 mp3 cd, but ended partway through 1994. i got sick of driving behind nick and jaime since their car doesn't have cruise... nick can't keep a steady pace, so i always had to shut my cruise control off to slow down. i ended up pulling ahead and got behind a pack of cars doing close to 90mph. that leg of the trip passed by rather smooth! nick caught up about 30 minutes later, but assured me he didn't pass 80mph the entire time. *right*

spending the night at the hotel was... different. my throat hurt very much, and if it wasn't dry and hurting, i would wake up drooling and uncomfortable. the shower there was space-age, which was cool. sharing a shower between 4 people *isn't* cool, but since it was a space-age shower i'll make an exception at least this once.

steak and shake... a pretty groovy place. hung out with all the message board people, as well as autumn's descent and celldweller. spent most of my time joking around with chad, jimmy, becca, and nick. i do say, jimmy and becca have got to be one of the coolest couples ever. after we ate, it was goodbyes all around since we probably wouldn't see anyone in the morning...

celldweller rocked my socks, as did autumn's descent. it was cool to see/hear ash cover circle of dust's "telltale crime", and apparently klay enjoyed it as well. when klay/celldweller took the stage, you could literally feel the anticipation form the fans. the show was more than what most of us have expected! it will be very nice if a dvd is released with show footage.

we showed up for the show at 6:45 (which is when it was scheduled to start, doors opening at 6pm) but things hadn't quite gotten underway. some of the 'board members' were there and we got to meet up with them. it's always cool to meet people you recognize from online. oh yeah, prior to entering the venue we realized we can park for free in metered parking spaces... iowa city isn't metered on sundays (for future reference).

we spent saturday night at jimmy & becca's house about an hour south of iowa city. autumn's descent stayed there, as well as a couple people we knew from the message boards chad and i frequent. jimmy let us listen to some very rare stuff he's got, and we all nerded out most of the night. nick, chad, and i kept aramus and puzzleshift up most of the night with our incessant babbling and joking. i guess they found it entertaining.

wow, what a trip.