Sunday, September 21, 2003

i'm definitely not through my re-entry adjustment yet. being back is... i want to be in montana with everyone else, at the very least. india would be best. anywhere but here would be best.

this whole house thing just seems to not be working out. lance's toes seemingly stick out everywhere, and are impossible to not step on. i'm trying to avoid arguments with him at all cost, but it seems like he won't give up. so, i guess i'm through watching movies, through playing poker, through doing anything that involves "his" crap, in fact i think i'll stick with doing listings on my computer, and not the work machine he set up for me. i cannot stand his behavior, and i see no reason to lock myself into situations where i have to endure it.

catholic mass today was rather interesting. i haven't been to a catholic church in quite a while, maybe since i was 14 or so. the priest was well worth listening to, and the best i can reduce and condense what he had to say is... "forgive my trespasses, as i forgive those who trespass against me." this is a big conviction, as i would *like* to hope that everyone around me sees how enduring i am towards an asshole-ish lance and they would grow to hate him... but in my walk with Christ, i can't exactly let that stand. i've got to forgive this person who routinely pisses me off, and endure through it all hoping he will change.

so, now what can i do? i guess as soon as i spot something shitty coming around the bend, i need to stop my mind mid-cycle and tell lance "i don't want to deal with this or you right now, i can either do something else or do nothing at all" it seriously pissed me off today when he was all like "you know, i don't want you to work right now." i hadn't even STARTED working, i was looking over an item. i had told him repeatedly, "I AM NOT WORKING YET." one thing i hate is being told to stop doing something i'm NOT DOING.

oh God... i just don't want to deal with this, but i have to don't i? that being the case, you know what i need... please show me the way.

-sin613

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