Saturday, October 18, 2003


so, my trip to montana last weekend. i'm sure you're wondering. i left at 4am, arrived at 7:30 (6:30 mountain time).

along the way, here's what came to me... seemingly, God really just can't win with man. He creates one thing to make one man happy, and it makes a second man sad. to complicate matters, the joy God brings to the first man may not even be credited to him, so what's the use? without fail, the sun will rise, and without fail man will say "nature". so, God must not be a joyous God, he must be rather sad. and to make it worse, His 'bride', His church... what an ugly bride it seems to be, but the only one that would love Him in return. such a beautiful Christ, why not a more beautiful bride? yes, God must be a sad God.

i pretty much didn't talk to mickey all weekend... i really picked up the impression that she didn't have any desire to talk to me. we had one discussion friday night about native americans, and i tried to explain how reservations work... touched briefly on ministry to native americans. sunday night, before she went to bed, she came down to where jason and i were to let us know it would be our last chance to say goodbye before she headed to bed. it was a rather nice feeling, her standing between us, with her arm around my back and my arm around her shoulder. i pulled her aside to tell her i was sorry for not having talked to her much all weekend, and explained my impression. she assured me that was not the case at all, and she would've talked with me more had she not been so busy (those SoDers... sooo very busy, and i'm not even joking), and then she threw the curve ball... "you don't know how much i think of you."

what is that supposed to mean? to confuse me further, she stared straight into my eyes for what seemed like eternity... but was probably more like 30 seconds. should i think she likes me? should i think she's just trying to send a strong message to a friend that he "just had the wrong impression"? i feel like i should be intelligent enough to not be stumped by this... but that's just not the case.

so what do i do? i e-mail her once i get home, asking her to demystify the situation so i don't get any wrong ideas. what a sucker i am. no response yet. she told me she loves getting e-mail, so i would hope she'd respond within the week. no response by sunday, and i think i may have reason to begin panicking.

i ended up leaving the base monday morning around 8. i got home around 11:30 (12:30 central standard time), so my return trip was about the same length. already back in the swing of work, but i missed my german classes all week. i need to do some serious catching up this weekend. we'll see how it goes. i may end up calling the base to talk to mickey if this german stuff confuses me. that would be a valid reason, i think. i hope.

confusion perversion


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