Wednesday, August 18, 2004

just so the whole world is aware, linnea and i are engaged as of 08/09/2004. i would have posted sooner, but i was in montana as opposed to north dakota...

i'll post about the whole ordeal tomorrow (hopefully).

have a grand something-or-other!


Friday, July 30, 2004

okay, catching up on everything in one fell swoop:

linnea got back from china on the 28th, we left for cornerstone on the 29th. well, first we went to her mom's house in iowa, then to cornerstone. linnea's mom is ultra-cool, and that's no joke. her little sister is something else, i tell you!

so, cornerstone. basically, everything was rad. i need time to comb through everything up at, i was blown away by what he had to speak about at the seminar i was able to attend. the bands were great, as always: unwed sailor (the highlight!), cool hand luke, haste the day, madison greene, spoken, david crowder band (ohhh, crazy things happen, they do!)... but the most amazing experiences were the prayer and worship at the beach. YWHW, this interesting God we serve... it's baffling that He wants to be with us so much. we don't add anything to Him, we don't take anything away. we're just kind of 'here', and He chooses to be here with us. mind-blowing.

mid-cornerstone we ran to iowa for a family reunion. post-cornerstone we ran to iowa again for several days. linnea keeps telling me her mom really likes me. she offered us her engagement ring.

laurel and i picked berries one afternoon. linnea and i rode horseback one evening. i helped mab (linnea's mom) with some computer stuff another evening... there was a loooot of talking, and i'd just like to note for the record that i looooooove getting to know linnea. i mean really getting to know her. really. there is so much to look forward to in this lifetime.

the trip home was most excellent, more talking and more getting to know linnea. did i mention she's the coolest girl to ever exist? ever, of all time? oh yeah, and she's my girlfriend. give me a couple of minutes to wrap my mind around that.

on the way home, we stopped in minneapolis and had supper with nick and jaime at the india palace. the food was excellent, as always (chicken tikka and chicken tikka masala!), and the company made it more enjoyable. nick and i split the bill, $30 each. crap. oh well, it was exquisite!

i've been getting up earlier every morning. it's been good. and difficult. right now, i'm usually up between 8 and 9, compared to my usual habit of sleeping in until past noon, sometimes even until around 2. it has been very pleasant, as i have more time to read, "lift weights", type e-mail, eat, etc. i feel healthier.

we'll be playing two really rad shows in august. opening for spoken and stavesacre on august 26th, and playing at barnfest 2004 on august 30th. socks will be rocked. our drummer quit (we knew it was coming, and we're all still great friends), but we've got a temp lined up.

elections are coming. God told me to vote for the man who's trustworthy.

alright, it's late. i'll play more catch-up later, but for the time being i really need to sleep.


Saturday, June 12, 2004

just got done installing slackware linux 9.1 and qnx momentics 6.3.0 on the laptop. when the computer starts, i'm presented with a pleasant menu asking if i'd like to boot into windows xp pro, slackware 9.1, or qnx... handy dandy.


Thursday, June 10, 2004

why did it take me until now to stumble upon mogwai?

i must be an idiot. or slow. or a slow idiot.

in other news, merriam-webster's favorite words are rather hilarious.


Saturday, May 29, 2004

psalm 62:9
men of low degree are only vanity and men of rank are a lie; in the balances they go up; they are together lighter than breath.

Friday, May 28, 2004

by the way, linnea left for china on the 18th of may. she'll be gone until june 28th. that means that we'll spend nearly the first 2/3 of our relationship on opposite sides of the earth.

i spoke with her on the phone for nearly an hour (1:45-2:30am) just now, which was very cool. the poem idea had come to me immediately prior to the phone call, partly because of a rudyard kipling poem linnea had included in our co-journal/scrapbook.

she had put a picture in there, too. linnea, you are beautiful...

the value of my loss

for too short a time i am a child
the things i desire come and go
the desires themselves an ebb and flow
some things cannot be maintained
this i learned in my childhood
the same sky that gives me rain
sends the sun to wash away the mud

for too long a time i was a child
the things i desired came and went
it is best to desire constants
for only things that can be kept
only here and now contained
is worthy of time, deserving heed

...and now, gone...

the value of my loss
oh, if adding one to one to find the sum
were to be quite well enough the solution
time and affection, however
they are of a different currency
the total of the sums is to be unknown
the value of my loss, a clouded cost


what my hand may find to cling
has no desire to cling to me
what my eye may find to watch
has no eyes to return my gaze
the value of my loss, it is so evident
when everything is lost
its value is so clear

my childhood missed me more
and what makes my loss valuable
is my coming to know this

Friday, May 14, 2004

1 peter 4:7-11

1Pe 4:7 The end of all things is near; therefore, be of sound judgment and sober {spirit} for the purpose of prayer.
1Pe 4:8 Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.
1Pe 4:9 Be hospitable to one another without complaint.
1Pe 4:10 As each one has received a {special} gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.
1Pe 4:11 Whoever speaks, {is to do so} as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves {is to do} {so} as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

4:11 has been on my mind a lot lately, speaking as one who is speaking God's word, and serving as by the strength God supplies. i tend to let things pile up... it's not a good habit. the truth is i want to have fun, i don't want to do work. problem: if i have all my fun now, there will be none to have later. second problem: if i view work as 'not fun' now, i'll *really* view it as 'not fun' later, when there is no fun to be had at any time.

so, nose to the grindstone, but with an ecclesiastical mindset. it's my lot in life to enjoy it (life, that is), and work is a part of it. i'm going to be good at what i do. i'm going to be fast, efficient, dependable... i want for people to see quality when they look at my work, and not quality because i gruel over the details until it's perfect, but quality because i enjoy what i do and it is second nature.

i have no desire to be a workaholic, but i want to be responsible. i want to be faithful steward, i want to be trustworthy.


Tuesday, May 11, 2004

just read over Jesus' temptation in the desert (matthew 4:1-11, mark 1:12-13, luke 4:1-13) and this is what i get from it:

1) we can't rely on ourselves

satan tells Jesus to turn the stone into bread, which jesus is fully capable of doing. Jesus declines, since bread isn't what he really needs. he could very easily feed himself, he could very easily depend on his abilities, but that's not what he needs...

2) dependence upon God doesn't remove responsibility

satan tells Jesus to throw himself from the top of the temple since God will save him. *eeeerr* wrong. God doesn't desire for us to be reckless with our lives with this "God will protect me, i'll do whatever i want" attitude. it's just not true. there is a difference between God leading us through danger and us placing ourselves in danger... a big difference.

3) we can't depend on other people

satan tells Jesus to bow down and worship him in exchange for the kingdoms of the world and all their authority and splendor. Jesus' response is a really blunt "i don't need you or your filthy kingdoms complete with authority and splendor." we worship God only, not the buck, the president, the UN, etc... because the only one we can rely on is God.

so, to sum up... depend only on God, just don't be stupid. God gave you a brain to make non-stupid choices.

this reminds me of a quote, "wisdom is the quality that keeps you out of situations where you need it."


Thursday, April 29, 2004

i didn't screw up.

linnea amelia moire rose schluessler (i might still have that second middle name wrong) rocks 100% and i hope with mega-hope that this newfound relationship (as in "phil isn't single anymore") goes all the way and stays there.

demon hunter - summer of darkness
haste the day - burning bridges

two very rad albums. very rad.

i will have internet access hooked up on the 3rd at my apartment, at which point i will be online and blogging frequently. i'm *very* sorry for the part few months, but not having internet access in front of you all the time results in behavior like this.


Monday, April 19, 2004

i think i screwed up, and it's not a good feeling.


Sunday, March 28, 2004

not having internet access is the opposite of good.

i ordered a cable modem (3com for only $19.50) and after it arrives i'll start shelling out my hard earned cash for overpriced american broadband... and then you will hear from me without ceasing!

last night i ended up swinging in a park as it rained with my band's lead singer linnea (amelia mara rose... which i likely spelt incorrectly). she had been in a musical (which i went to watch), then a couple of people went out to eat (she and i included), and swinging ensued on the return home. this is a memory that will last.

sixpence none the richer - sister, mother

i have so much to say, but no time to say it...


Saturday, March 06, 2004

we played our first "real" show on 3/4 and it was a load of fun. received a lot of compliments, and the crowd seemed to dig our sound... so i'm feeling pretty glad about that. we're taking a week off from each other, then back to writing more songs.

there's just not a lot to say right now. i reviewed my finances today, and i'm rather disappointed in myself. we'll get this turned around yet.


Sunday, February 29, 2004

1) if your freaking website takes more than two seconds to load, it's not worth reading
2) if your freaking website takes more than one minute to load, you're not worth knowing
3) if your freaking website uses java, javascript, or flash, you're not even worth killing (ie - you're that harmless to the rest of the world)

if your freaking website takes more than 2 seconds to load, i hate you and your business should go bankrupt.

if your freaking website takes one MINUTE to load, you have nothing worth reading.

if your freaking website uses java, flash, or javascript, YOU DIE NOW.


Saturday, February 28, 2004

nothing profound for me to say.

do america a favor, don't re-elect bush.


Tuesday, February 17, 2004


friday went a sorority party and met lots of cool chicks (do they mind being called cool? i mean, chicks?)

saturday went to iowa to see a celldweller show. that cost a bit more than i had anticipated...

sunday, came back.

monday, worked and went to practice in grafton.

that's my weekend, and now back to work every day... for the rest of my life.

i sat down and took more than a casual glance over my debt today... CRAP! i need to kick 'it' in the pants, big time.

julie, sorry if i pissed you off at perkins. my curiosity got the best of me. or worst. my curiosity screws.


Monday, February 09, 2004

i was driving home (to grand forks) the other night, and as i was passing a farm i thought to myself, "self, why is the side of the road moving around like that?" and then i could see why: rabbits. gajillions of them. i'm not exaggerating. first it seemed like just a small group, then several small groups, and then it dawned on me that i must've just stumbled upon some kind of rabbit convention being held in northwest minnesota.

i don't get it, all the rabbits and such.

meine Träume stören mich. i had a rather long one last night, filled with dialog, that has left me in a slightly bummed state of mind. now, i don't put a lot of stock in dreams these days (there is a time for that, but that time isn't now), but my bummed-ness can be compared to... the feeling you get after watching a really sad movie. about you. having bad things happen to you. and nobody cares. bummer.

i need to get about $170 in money orders sent out tomorrow.

it will be nice when i have internet access set up at my new place, right now i have to go visit my parents to get online. or go to lance's, and since i work there all day i don't feel a strong desire to hang out there in my free time.

i did a little bit of computer work for someone at my church, and they gave me $100 cash money (bling), and i'm not even joking. that was pretty rad.

planning on going to a celldweller show in iowa this weekend. i wouldn't call it a "break" from my normal life, but it will be fun to roadtrip.

the possibility of going back to india to make music with some of my indian friends has been on my mind. i need to pray about it, see what's up. two things i love wed to be one, how amazing would that be?

right now i can't connect to msn messenger, so i can't talk to anyone, so i just may go back to grand forks and find something else to do.

Sunday, February 01, 2004


snowboarding last weekend (jan 23-26) in montana went super-smooth. what a RAD MEGA-BLAST! it's so much fun, everyone and their mother's pet dog should be required to try it at least once.

left friday morning at about 1:30am, drove through a hellacious snow storm, and survived. attended the friday night meeting/service at the ywam base and i think it spooked dusty and jarrod a little bit. "charismatic" definitely doesn't fit in their definition of "christian", which is rather hilarious. what'd they think? all christians are boring catholics? bahahaha! but i jest. dusty was on edge because lisa "did that thing with her hands", by which he meant "lifted her hands up in the air while she was singing." big whoop, i wonder if he even realizes that the word most commonly translated as "glorify" has a meaning somewhat akin to spinning/dancing around like an idiot. "a peculiar people" not "a boring religion", guys!

blacktail mountain received 8 inches of fresh snow the night before we hit the slopes, which made the day even better. jarrod would just bomb down the hill and fall down the entire day, it was rather... frightening. i was too afraid that guy would kill himself and i'd be left to explain it to his mother. ANYHOW, turns out he had as much of a blast as i did, even though he spent most of his time sitting in the snow.

by the end of the day, i was able to do full rotations without coming to a complete stop, which looks pretty cool (well, i at least hope that's what girls think). this, of course, involved learning how to stop on my toe edge -- that is, facing uphill. for me, it was largely a psychological issue, as i had watched josh fall backwards downhill twice the previous week, smacking his head against the ground in a rather non-enjoyable fashion. i got over it. i can turn both ways now, it's not an issue. i'm not blazing fast, but i'm a heck of a lot better than i was the previous week.

josh fell over backwards again doing a toe stop/turn. he hurt his wrist, but didn't need medical attention. one of the guys who was with us saw it happen and said it was pretty hurtful looking. poor josh. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! speaking of hurt wrists, i wasn't falling on my wrists when i fell, so i had close to zero pain at the end of the day. all in all, i think i fared much better than everyone else.

it was nice to see a large portion of my dts crew... russ, ryan, de wet, rochelle, trish, lisa, micah, micky, leah, libby, marilyn, erin, jeff... quite a few of them. jeff and kristy were forced to cancel their open house (just finished building a new house right next to the ywam base) after kristy discovered that her "sunday plane tickets" were actually "saturday plane tickets." of course, this meant that i didn't get to see kristy. oh well, next time!

art collins is either there or on his way every single time i'm at the base. it's twilight zone spooky.

we watched finding nemo saturday night. first time i'd ever seen it. my eyes kept scanning the room for micky, but she was nowhere to be found. i didn't see her until sunday night, and we only briefly spoke. as always, the school of dance folk were busy 25/8 (as opposed to 24/7, i'm so clever). comes as no shock, i remember chatting with the SoD people while i was in dts, they were always tired or on their way to becoming tired.

micky mentioned that she'll be at the university of minnesota (presumably the st. paul campus) in february for an audition for admissions into their dance program. i hope she can land admission at a good university here in the states. u of m would be cool, because she'd be closer... but, i don't think she feels that is necessary. i asked her to let me know when she'll be around, i'd gladly make the trip to visit (and treat her to eat at the india palace!)

it is time to move closer to where the superbowl party is happening. i'm no football fan, but there's going to be so many people there (and snacks, beer, video games...), how can i turn it down?! i think there might even be some of the lady types.

gettin' my schmooze on

Thursday, January 22, 2004

ate mexican today, had a couple tamales. good stuff. don't know why i bother mentioning it, seeing as how i eat mexican food at least once a week. now there's something worth mentioning.

when thursday draws to a close, it will be time to leave for montana. i am so pumped. my body is almost completely healed from my snowboarding excursion last saturday, and i will be totally ready to repeat the pain this coming saturday. i checked the weather for the weekend, looks to be very pleasant.

it is likely that we'll go to watch the butterfly effect when we arrive on friday. that movie looks pretty nice.

i made 8 phat dollars today. well, i made more than that, but that's all i made doing 'normal' work. i'm so living on the edge. i need to work more. really.

it is likely that bush will be re-elected. i'd say something completely unclever about disliking bush, but the truth is i don't care. all this government crap can take itself as serious as it wants, but it's too bad they'll all just die and burn in hell in the end. poor people. was it worth it?

i hear the state of the union address was a doozy. remember, a house divided will not stand.


Monday, January 19, 2004


i went snowboarding saturday for the first time ever, and all i can say is... OW. okay, maybe i can say a couple more words than that. basically, i am hurting. and next saturday, i'll be hurting after snowboarding down a mountain instead of a hill! joy!

i have somewhat begun the move to my new apartment. unke let me borrow a king-sized air mattress, which should be rather nice. i have decided to color-coordinate my bathroom using a lot of dark greens. my shower curtain is dark green, i'll get dark green towels and washcloths from jc penneys with a gift certificate i got for christmas, get some toilet covers, floor mat, maybe a potted plant or two... i want that place to look like a jungle. a menacing jungle... a MAN-EATING jungle, which will be frightening enough to keep the likes of jarrod from trying to "go logging" and stink my whole apartment complex up with his second-hand-ass.

spending must cease. i have spent so much more money than i have made in the last week. snow gear (new coat, smartwool socks, burton mittens, wicking undergarments, lift pass, snowboard rental, etc), apartment stuff, car repair, taxes... i need to make a lot of phat cash this week, or i'm screwed!

i got a data cable for my cell phone, but the computer crashes every time i try to use the application to interface with it. it's ticking me off. oh well, data cable + car charger for $8 is a sweet deal, so i don't care. it's a tough cable, so if it just won't work with the computer i can just use it to strangle someone.

there is a celldweller concert in waterloo, iowa on february 14th. just thought i'd toss that one out there.

bass lessons with gary are going smooth, for the most part. he's a fast learner, so it seems. today i showed him a minor scale and reviewed a couple things regarding counting time and understanding time signatures. yeah, coming along smooth.

just realized i smell like cigarette smoke, and it's horrible. night.


Thursday, January 08, 2004

signed a lease today, i should be moved in within the week. i don't know how long it will be until i feel at home, though. i need to go buy a bed of some kind... and it has to be a queen or california queen to fit my maximum tallness. spendy.

i'm thinking i'll get beanbag chairs, as well. yeah, beanbag chairs.

josh said i should get a futon, but the cost of a queen-sized futon is the same as the cost of a queen-sized mattress, so i just don't know... if i had a futon sitting around, what would i do with it once i build my mega-awesome loft? you heard me right, mega-awesome.

i finished up the dts address list and e-mailed everyone to ask for corrections. yesterday i got nine responses, fixed up quite a bit. that's still less than 1/4 of my dts, so i'm expecting more. they'd best respond, or else! or else i'll do something, probably!

i brought my car in for an oil change and such today, they told me one of my torsion bars is broken. i have no clue what that means. i think i should get violently upset when people say things i don't understand:

them: "you're rear torsion bar is broken"
them: "i don't exactly feel threatened by you"

so, as you can see in the above illustration, everyone who isn't me is automatically gay and/or queer. or a fag.