Saturday, May 29, 2004

psalm 62:9
men of low degree are only vanity and men of rank are a lie; in the balances they go up; they are together lighter than breath.

Friday, May 28, 2004

by the way, linnea left for china on the 18th of may. she'll be gone until june 28th. that means that we'll spend nearly the first 2/3 of our relationship on opposite sides of the earth.

i spoke with her on the phone for nearly an hour (1:45-2:30am) just now, which was very cool. the poem idea had come to me immediately prior to the phone call, partly because of a rudyard kipling poem linnea had included in our co-journal/scrapbook.

she had put a picture in there, too. linnea, you are beautiful...

the value of my loss

for too short a time i am a child
the things i desire come and go
the desires themselves an ebb and flow
some things cannot be maintained
this i learned in my childhood
the same sky that gives me rain
sends the sun to wash away the mud

for too long a time i was a child
the things i desired came and went
it is best to desire constants
for only things that can be kept
only here and now contained
is worthy of time, deserving heed

...and now, gone...

the value of my loss
oh, if adding one to one to find the sum
were to be quite well enough the solution
time and affection, however
they are of a different currency
the total of the sums is to be unknown
the value of my loss, a clouded cost


what my hand may find to cling
has no desire to cling to me
what my eye may find to watch
has no eyes to return my gaze
the value of my loss, it is so evident
when everything is lost
its value is so clear

my childhood missed me more
and what makes my loss valuable
is my coming to know this

Friday, May 14, 2004

1 peter 4:7-11

1Pe 4:7 The end of all things is near; therefore, be of sound judgment and sober {spirit} for the purpose of prayer.
1Pe 4:8 Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.
1Pe 4:9 Be hospitable to one another without complaint.
1Pe 4:10 As each one has received a {special} gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.
1Pe 4:11 Whoever speaks, {is to do so} as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves {is to do} {so} as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

4:11 has been on my mind a lot lately, speaking as one who is speaking God's word, and serving as by the strength God supplies. i tend to let things pile up... it's not a good habit. the truth is i want to have fun, i don't want to do work. problem: if i have all my fun now, there will be none to have later. second problem: if i view work as 'not fun' now, i'll *really* view it as 'not fun' later, when there is no fun to be had at any time.

so, nose to the grindstone, but with an ecclesiastical mindset. it's my lot in life to enjoy it (life, that is), and work is a part of it. i'm going to be good at what i do. i'm going to be fast, efficient, dependable... i want for people to see quality when they look at my work, and not quality because i gruel over the details until it's perfect, but quality because i enjoy what i do and it is second nature.

i have no desire to be a workaholic, but i want to be responsible. i want to be faithful steward, i want to be trustworthy.


Tuesday, May 11, 2004

just read over Jesus' temptation in the desert (matthew 4:1-11, mark 1:12-13, luke 4:1-13) and this is what i get from it:

1) we can't rely on ourselves

satan tells Jesus to turn the stone into bread, which jesus is fully capable of doing. Jesus declines, since bread isn't what he really needs. he could very easily feed himself, he could very easily depend on his abilities, but that's not what he needs...

2) dependence upon God doesn't remove responsibility

satan tells Jesus to throw himself from the top of the temple since God will save him. *eeeerr* wrong. God doesn't desire for us to be reckless with our lives with this "God will protect me, i'll do whatever i want" attitude. it's just not true. there is a difference between God leading us through danger and us placing ourselves in danger... a big difference.

3) we can't depend on other people

satan tells Jesus to bow down and worship him in exchange for the kingdoms of the world and all their authority and splendor. Jesus' response is a really blunt "i don't need you or your filthy kingdoms complete with authority and splendor." we worship God only, not the buck, the president, the UN, etc... because the only one we can rely on is God.

so, to sum up... depend only on God, just don't be stupid. God gave you a brain to make non-stupid choices.

this reminds me of a quote, "wisdom is the quality that keeps you out of situations where you need it."