Thursday, December 14, 2006

i read my life.

once there was a starry-eyed child so eager to succeed. he never failed, but he never bloomed.

twice upon a time i regained consciousness of the situation. it has done me no good, i assure you.

knocking upon the doors - even knocking myself upon the head - has yielded few advances.

you see, we die.

you are going to die. i won't be there. i can't be there.

in that hour do we fail and bloom all at once?

i read my list. i am not done. i will never be done, will i?

i checked the clock. i listen for my pulse. i feel for it.

it will go away on its own.

i will fail. i will bloom.

Friday, September 08, 2006

To Save an Atlas. (a noble cause, a humble title)

There is a forest and within a stump
upon which decisions hesitate and rest;
and thinkers sit to whittle down the
thoughts they've all but done.

The thinkers do and the doers don't -
this is the difference between -
and stumps aren't so when left alone
by doers evil deeds.

To think upon that done-in stump
or stump the one who does;
the thinker knows the who and what -
the forest from the trees - and stumps.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

the clock on his heart, not on his wall

find for me one good reason to allow this passage.
find for me one scrap, one shred of worth.
i find none. we know me, and there is none.

i'm winding down. i know you, i am.
i'm winding down, and without any scraps to show.
like a grandfather clock or a top -
i'm winding down, but with much less fanfare.

i should burn brightly, so brightly!
but i couldn't stand still for the lighter...
so what is there for me?
i'm not fit for living, and less fit for burning.
why fit for keeping?
find for me one scrap, one shred of worth.
i find none. we know me, and there is none.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

i was digging through some old files looking for some specific things, and i seem to have found them. without further ado, here they are. enjoy.

what is the process for removal, the process for amputation, for something carried so long that it has become part of you? how long is the procedure, or is there one at all? disposal was so easy before awareness came to life: reduce, reuse, recycle; litter kills the earth; save the rain forest. reduce the difficulty or complexity of life, just carry an addiction so the withdrawl pangs leave you be. for some this may make sense, but for others it's a simple cop-out. run far, run fast and avoid the issue: avoid the luggage at all cost, you won't need it where you're going.


rally rally
this radicalism
this idealism
the war's been fought before
but something makes it new now?
the argument has been heard
the sides have been presented
but still the sides remain, like the sides of a pail
cilindrical logic
keep your mind off what matters
keep your mind in the bucket
with its empty contents


all i know is i was waiting to die
and all i could hear were muffled tears
watered eyes were trying to mask fears
and you arrived along with a calm
and dieing didn't seem too bad
because calmness lasts much longer
than any fate
for fate is fate which is not an eternity
but the depth of a calm is immeasurable
as is the measure of death
but calmness in the face of death
travels beyond immeasurable
approaching incomprehensible...
no better fitting mood for a martyr

i honestly wouldn't be able to tell you how long ago i wrote these things. i do know that they were written during a post-2000 summer. that's about it.

All things are full of labor;
Man cannot express it.
The eye is not satisfied with seeing,
Nor the ear filled with hearing.

That which has been is what will be,
That which is done is what will be done,
And there is nothing new under the sun.
that about sums it up.

old habits die young

let's find a middle ground
between the topsoil and the bedrock
nice and dark, with just the right amount of moisture
we can wait there a long lonely time, maybe even an eternity

some rainy day, when the water trickles down to feed the spring
i will spring to life
and we will teach you a lesson, we will
because old habits don't die young!
no, they rarely die at all

a short nap. as long as is necessary.
i wake to find you weak and i am all the stronger
for this time i have roots, and such deep roots they are!

set aside your fears, we are not at odds...
we grow upon your property
and properly you seem to meet our needs
by feeding us every now and then with such delicious water
oh that sweet, putrid water...

but some day. some day.
some day you will find a middle ground
you may not be a habit, but you are habit food
i do believe you'll fit in, yes you will
right snug between the roots, the worms, and the hell that awaits you.

yes, we'll make you cozy.

p.s. the pronouns change intentionally.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

a close friend dies a good death

farewell the day complete - maybe a whisper, maybe a scream
maybe signs of passing time wasted, yet a scream of time to come
farewell the day approaching
farewell, farewell.

the lids of eyes and jars open. ajar.
a jar to keep the vitals, a jar to keep the eyes
a container for the organs, since you can't contain yourself

the embalmer is on the line
he bids you to be bold. or italic. or underlined.
he bids you to be, as today you are not.
farewell the day replete - maybe bliss, maybe a dream.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

why do we fight?

sensing tension in a relationship is one matter - and one which most people are capable of, but laying that tension to rest is an entirely separate issue. let me propose that the reason this friction builds is due to both parties initial responses. one party takes issue and the other party, sensing tension but lacking an understanding of it, goes on the defensive - possibly even the offensive - without missing a beat.

perhaps it is a matter of looking out for number one, some in-built pride taking control and saying, "look, if i don't understand this tension, it is unjustified. if it is unjustified, then it is not my problem. if it is not my problem, then it is your problem. if it is your problem, then be tense at yourself, not me."

and so i snapped.

perhaps the reaction is an attempt to say, "if you are going to act this way, i'll give you a good reason to!" perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

we dreamt together, you and i, of times - or at least a time - or at least the time - when all was bright - or maybe just most - or possibly just something. and where has it gone, that all or most or not? do you still remember the fruit in our hands, the prayers in our mouths, the tears in our eyes? the cry came - the name of a nation - and words stole forth to batter the flux. and the flocks? oh the flocks! they grew and grew, did they not? but that dream is now a page that one or none of us is upon - a page no longer read, for it was only a dream.