Friday, April 17, 2009

Ad Nauseum.

It is likely I will never stop playing with my facial hair.
So she informs me she will never stop yelling.

If I had set out to play a game, I would continue: I will not even consider having children with you until you stop yelling.
And she would continue, as well: I will not have sex with you unless you stop playing with your facial hair.

But I never set out to play a game, nor did I set out to argue. An involuntary action is precisely what it sounds to be: involuntary. Involuntary implies a lack of intention. Playing this game would be quite voluntary.

I accept that my wife does not shave her legs or armpits. I accept that she often does not finish eating what is on her plate or drinking what is in her glass, even if portions are adjusted accordingly. I accept that she bats her eyelashes rapidly and inhales sharply through her teeth when she is nervous. I accept she is absolutely terrible at talking on the phone. I accept that she goes shopping when she is upset with me. I accept that she makes purchases with the disclaimer "I will return it if that is what you want" instead of speaking with me about it beforehand. I accept that she works on 20 projects at once and rarely finishes a single one. I accept that she complains about my breathing on her and complains when I am not close enough.

The list of quirks - even just the quirks that irritate me - is long. Yet, as much as they grate my nerves, I cannot bring myself to tell her to change. I cannot even bring myself to point these behaviors out more than once because of the response it provokes.

But maybe I have been going about this all wrong. Surely the world would be better if I were telling my wife once a day she was doing something I found to be a nuisance! If not the world, at least our marriage.

So the experiment begins.

1 comment:

Your Hunger Defines You said...

If it were simply a matter of being unconscious then you should have no problem stopping when I choose to ask you thereby making you conscious of it. I compared this with yelling SOLELY in the manner that when I begin to yell it is unconscious. I never set out to argue with you when I ask you to stop. If it was purely unconscious why do you have such a huge problem with me sometimes asking you to stop? I'm not even supposing that you could try to stop yourself. I'm only asking that when it is bothering me to the point that I can't concentrate on what I'm doing you become conscious by my asking and you stop. So you can lash out at me in retaliation or you can love me and start explaining why you get so hotheaded when I ask you to stop. I'd also like to point out that you do this ALL the TIME. I ask you at most a couple times every couple days. Minimal in comparison to how often you are actually doing this. Also, why do you sometimes say your sorry and then stop while other times you lash out at me? So, where is Christ in this post? Because I do not feel love, respect or anything else necessary to make a marriage successful by your lashing out at me.